Windsurfing: Pronounced, windsurfing. Also referred to as shredding, Sailing, Boardsailing, or “I don’t care what cha’ call it: you can’t do it here.”
What separates this type of surfing from all others, is the use of a universal joint to merge the sails power with that of the surfboard. This allows windsurfers to travel great distances in order to catch waves, or be rescued.
It is unclear who invented this asinine sport. Only one thing is clear; whoever it was…had way too much time on their hands. The activity gained its greatest popularity in the 70’s. Two out of work engineers; Hoyle Schweitzer, and Jim Drake, patented a universal joint designed specifically to hit you in the nuts when it disengaged from the surfboard. The 70’s were undoubtedly the halcyon days of the sport. While there is proof that people have windsurfed for 1,000 of years; the sport reached its pinnacle during the “head dip” performed in the opening credits of Miami Vice.
This “epic” moment was the last time Windsurfing was considered cool.
Modern Windsurfing is usually practiced by middle aged men who drive large vehicles, but never actually leave them. Archeologists believe this is because they have spent all their money on gear, and actually live in their trucks. The windsurfers themselves claim to be waiting for the wind to fill in?
It is the author’s opinion that Modern Windsurfers spend most of their time waiting for the second coming of Robby Naish, deciding what gear to rig, and complaining about how much access they have lost to kitesurfing.